Make your own free website on

The SJ Experience

The Tales Of Laurence O'neill
Today's Reason to Smile
The Tales Of Laurence O'neill
What's Happening?
The "Shoreham Crew"
Pictures of some really fun random people!

The Tales of Laurence O'neill is a story me, Stuart and others have written, Laurence O'neill is a Brazillian Tree Frog.

The Tales Of Laurence O’Neill


Chapter One




     No! not about about Penguins!


     Laurence O’Neill was in his car with his driving hat and scarf when a guy on the side of the road flagged Laurence O’Neill down.

     “I need a ride to Kentucky” says Mr. Squeeze

     “Hopin” replies Laurence O’Neill

     Laurence O’Neill begins to drive the long drive to Kentucky, suddenly Mr. Squeeze, squeezes him!

     Laurence O’Neill wakes, he lies there naked in a mysterious enchanted ice forest.

     “Where am I?” said Laurence O’Neill.

     Laurence O’Neill began sliding, sliding rapidly directly into an ice log cabin, Laurence O’Neill sees a tea offering old man.

     “No!” said Laurence O’Neill warily.

     Old man says “Fine I’ll cook you!”

     “Take this!” (throws axe)

     “AHH! My leg, I need my legs!” said Laurence O’Neill.


Chapter Two



      Laurence O’Neill out one legged onto the old mans wooden snow sled powered by willpower alone!

      His snowsled plummets downhill through the forest, until it falls into a trap set by Mr. Squeezes brother, Mr. Squeeze Terrance!

      Laurence O’Neill once again is trapped, in a giant Squeezing Sponge, and now the old man and his dogs are catching up…

      Dun! Dun! Dun!

      The sponge began squeezing Laurence O’Neill when who should turn up? Mr. Squeeze! And his brother Mr. Squeeze Terrance.

      Mr. Squeeze had a German accent , which Laurence O’Neill was allergic to, so Laurence O’Neill did a mighty big sneeze that threw Laurence O’Neill high into the air. Laurence O’Neill landed 500m away by a couple of mushrooms.

      Laurence O’Neill had landed on what seemed to be a giant chopping board. Laurence O’Neill was in a giant kitchen! Laurence O’Neill was standing on what seemed to be a vegetable dish of some kind. Just then the door opened…

      A crazy Spanish chef stepped in and shouted loudly of his hate for frogs and especially the Freddo frog… Laurence O’Neill was in deep trouble

      The crazy Spanish chef pulled out a pair of meat clevers and approached Laurence O’Neill when all of a sudden.

      He threw the meat clevers. But luckily Laurence O’Neill saw his scarf on the floor and ducked to pick it up, the meat clevers bounced off the wall and sailed under his missing leg!


Chapter Three


      “Phewie said Laurence O’Neill. “Just as well you only have one leg said the chef. “Yes isn’t that lucky!” said Laurence O’Neill. The two become good friends and talk about cricket.

      Several months passed and Laurence O’Neill and the chef decided to get married and are now thinking about having kids. One day there was a knock at the door. Laurence O’Neill heard some dogs barking and a familiar voice.

      A man called Senior Co-ca Boya Sha knocked three times upon the door and his two dogs scratched at the perfectly white paint leaving marks similar to the scars Laurence O’Neill received when losing his leg.

      Senior Co-ca Boya Sha realised it was the wrong house and walked away. The chef called to Laurence O’Neill but Laurence O’Neill had seized Laurence O’Neill's chance and ran, Laurence O’Neill was sick of the chef, who only talked about cricket.

      Whilst Laurence O’Neill ran, Laurence O’Neill encountered a road. Laurence O’Neill walked down it until Laurence O’Neill found Laurence O’Neill’s old car. Laurence O’Neill was overjoyed but Laurence O’Neill was also extremely tired. Laurence O’Neill passed out inches from Laurence O’Neill’s car. The last things Laurence O’Neill saw were two figures slowly walking towards Laurence O’Neill: Mr. Squeeze and Mr. Squeeze Terrance.




Chapter Four


     When Laurence O’Neill awoke, Laurence O’Neill was chained to a wall and Laurence O’Neill’s leg had been sewn back on. The two squeeze brothers lay dead across the room. A bad noise emanated form the next room.

     Laurence O’Neill couldn’t believe it, Laurence O’Neill looked towards the window and sighed, as Laurence O’Neill turned back, there they were Mr. Squeeze and Mr. Squeeze Terrance standing tall and alive!

     Mr. Squeeze and Mr. Squeeze Terrance laughed at Laurence O’Neill. “Ha ha” they ran up to Laurence O’Neill and squeezed Laurence O’Neill again and again. If that wasn’t enough, Mr. Squeeze and Mr. Squeeze Terrance’s siblings Miss Squeeze and Dame Squeeze Lula came and joined in squeezing Laurence O’Neill.

     However this squeezing became too intense, it broke the chains and popped Laurence O’Neill into the air and back into his car.

     Laurence O’Neill’s car started at a push of a rather large BLUE button, Laurence O’Neill began driving in Laurence O’Neill’s scarf and gloves once again, when a mysterious man flagged him down.

     “I need a ride to Kentucky” said the man who wore the mask. “Hop in” said Laurence O’Neill. Once the mystery man got in the car, he ripped off his mask to reveal the horrifying face of Mr. Squeeze!



Chapter Five


     But Laurence O’Neill had been expecting this, and quickly pressed the ejector seat button, which sent Mr. Squeeze head first into a nearby glass factory. Laurence O’Neill pressed the button on his car, which it turned into a plane and flew into the night’s sky.

     Laurence O’Neill flew, flew until Laurence O’Neill could fly no more, the car began dropping, as the car dropped Laurence O’Neill noticed a figure dropping next to Laurence O’Neill, it was none other than!

     Miss Squeeze and Dame Squeeze Lula! “Oh no” said Laurence O’Neill and Laurence O’Neill jumped out his car with a parachute. Laurence O’Neill slowly dropped into a mine field, where Laurence O’Neill was surrounded by siblings of Mr. Squeeze and… Mr. Squeezes mother!

      Mrs. Jane Cunningham Squeeze had the biggest arms you and Laurence O’Neill had ever seen. She squeezed Laurence O’Neill so hard Laurence O’Neill began coughing up purple fluid, it seemed dire and Laurence O’Neill began slipping into unconsciousness.


Chapter Six


     Laurence O’Neill thought fast the one leg Laurence O’Neill had that wasn’t made out of paper masheẻ, Laurence O’Neill kicked out with his sucker leg.

     Mrs. Jane Cunningham didn’t feel a thing. Instead, her mass increased and she grew and expanded. However, this was unfortunate for her as she exploded, covering her sons and daughters with bits of her body.

     The parts of her body, unknown previously by her family were incredibly toxic to them. And so they were finally vanquished and all the souls they had squeezed, were released. Bruised, and slightly squeezed, Laurence O’Neill stumbled away back to his house, where Laurence O’Neill finally rested. Laurence O’Neill hadn’t slept for a long time.

     From the site of Mrs. Jane Cunningham Squeeze’s death, the remains of the Squeeze family began to evolve stealing the properties of Laurence O’Neill, they were Squeezes and now Suckers. The Squeeze-Suckers.

     Whilst Laurence O’Neill was sleeping, Laurence O’Neill dreamt of the artic. When Laurence O’Neill awoke Laurence O’Neill was in the North Pole, and it was very chilly. Suddenly, Laurence O’Neill began sliding into a polar bear, under the identity of Ecnarret Ezeeuqs Retsim. “Hello” said Laurence O’Neill “Hello there” said Ecnarret Ezeeuqs Retsim.


Chapter Seven


     “You can call me ‘The Guardian’ for short if you like” said Ecnarret Ezeeuqs Retsim. “No” said Laurence O’Neill. This made the polar bear slightly miffed. So he was off with Laurence O’Neill for the rest of the day. At his cave Laurence O’Neill was surprised to see the Spanish Chef – El Miguel Von Sanchez Sr. there. They greeted each other with arms wide open.

     As Laurence O’Neill and El Miguel Von Sanchez Sr. walked, chatting about cricket El Miguel Von Sanchez Sr. falls down an ice hole which sealed itself and Laurence O’Neill skipped away singing merrily.

     Laurence O’Neill started sliding until Laurence O’Neill came across an igloo that was inhabited by polar bears. Laurence O’Neill recognised Ecnarret Ezeeuqs Retsim and said “Hello!” Suddenly all the polar bears transformed into Squeeze-Suckers and they all started shivering and complaining about the weather.

     They were all so cold, they turned into liquid metal and morphed into a giant Squeeze called Mr. Jane Cunningham dame Squeeze-Terrance. Laurence O’Neill ran really quickly but to no avail as the ice was rather slippy.




Find out Monday what becomes of Laurence O’Neill

Laurence O'neill Released Every Monday